The divine benevolent Universe has given me a crash course on egoic love vs true Love these past 7 years. It’s often hard to see in the moment when you’re immersed in it, but most relationships are fueled by egoic love. That doesn’t mean there’s no true Love underneath. I’ll go into the specifics of my personal relationships journey in my book, but I’ll give you a general overview here of how the Universe has shown me different aspects of egoic love.
My longterm relationship turned long distance when I moved to Hawaii 8 years ago. A year later I became infatuated—that’s the only way I can put it—with a charismatic healer on the island. Nothing physical ever happened between us, but boy did my emotions (and fantasy ego disguise) take me for a ride! And when he suddenly cut me off a few years ago, my pain body (Eckhart Tolle’s term for emotional wounding) was DEVASTATED!
It turns out this was the perfect scenario to wake up my pain body with a start‼️⏰ The pain from that situation is why I began studying my ego and pain body, in fact. Now I understand that my pain body’s core story is “I’m not important.” So, being suddenly cut off from someone I had become emotionally dependent on (because his partner wasn’t aware of our relationship and he apparently never planned to leave her anyway) was the perfect triggering scenario for it. The good news is, this has allowed me to study it in depth, along with my ego. Life always gives you the lessons you need to wake up! They usually come in the form of suffering, however! 😭😭😭
In my long distance partnership, I had been honest about my feelings for this other man, but that relationship soon collapsed, too. My ego was still trying to make him into my perfect partner, but that never worked. I tried for 18 years! My ego/pain body was devastated by the way it ended a year and a half ago, as well. We are still very close, despite uncovering entrenched egoic patterns that had been operating through our whole relationship. There is true Love there also, not just egoic love. I love him unconditionally. The same with the charismatic healer.
True love doesn’t die, it just changes form. Egoic love tries to manipulate and make someone a certain way in order for your ego to be “happy”. I can see the egoic love that was operating in both of these relationships. I had expectations of a certain outcome in both cases. Like I said, my ego is a fantasy movie director! But now I rest in the true Love, the real divine Love that carries us all and sustains all of Life. True Love is Life. And Truth is Love, as Byron Katie says. I don’t regret telling my Truth, I just wish I had told MYSELF the Truth and also that I had been Truthful and respectful in relation to the other man’s partner.
That’s all the past now. We’re here in the present moment. Let’s transcend the ego and rest in Peace and Love while we’re here together. It’s the best place to Be—it’s really the only place to Be!
Forgiveness is seeing that there’s nothing to be forgiven. Forgive them for they know not what they do. People can only act according to their level of consciousness. I forgive my “self” too. Egos can only act unconsciously—in accordance with egoic needs. I now choose to transcend ego. I now choose real Love over fear/anger/hate.
