Hi everybody, at our second Ego Rehab meetup on September 14th in Paia, Maui, Hawaii, we had a great discussion about narcissism. Eckhart Tolle considers psychological dysfunctions like narcissism, psychosis, and psychopathy just amplified forms of ego.
A couple of us agreed that narcissism is an overused term these days. It’s quite in vogue. It describes a bunch of amplified egoic traits, like self-centeredness, lack of empathy, and arrogance. Ego is definitely a spectrum, and all of us have some of it (unless we’re fully awakened and our ego has dropped away, like Tolle.) Someone who’s been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder is certainly on the higher end of the ego spectrum.
But it doesn’t help to point fingers at other people’s egos. The most important thing is to look at our own egos. If you think someone in your life is a narcissist or any kind of perpetrator, you need to look at how YOU have been a victim. How have you ALLOWED yourself to be a victim and how have you ATTACHED to a victim identity? If you’re calling somebody in your life a narcissist, that means you’re automatically their victim in your mind, which means you’re identified with victimhood—you’re a card carrying victim! Thus, victim is part of your ego structure.
I really had to sit with this lately regarding my own personal life: how have I allowed myself to be a victim in my close relationships?
What I realized was I allowed myself to be victimized by not standing in the Truth and acting according to that. I was rooted in fear and fantasy, not Truth. I was afraid to ask hard questions and stick to boundaries. Now that I can see this (bringing awareness in—this is the fundamental teaching of Ego Rehab!) I can make a change. And I can choose not to identify as a victim.
On my Know Thy Ego worksheet, you’re asked to identify your main ego flavors. Victim is a very common one, but hard to see in oneself. The Ego Rehab meetup attendees struggled to fill out the worksheet, by the way. We decided it would be best to have someone close to you fill it out for you! The latest version is 7 pages long. If I can remember how to post a PDF here, I’ll upload it.
You can find the earlier draft, filled out for my ego, here.
The word narcissism comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus. Narcissus was a man who fell in love with his own reflection (self image). That’s one of those world myths that describes humankind’s split from Oneness consciousness to egoic consciousness. Another such myth is the story of Adam and Eve. These universal myths point to the time when the belief in separation entered into human consciousness. That was the birth of the human ego. Animals and plants don’t seem to have the belief that they’re separate from all of life. That’s unique to human beings. Ego is unique to human beings (and some neurotic human pets—lol!)
Speaking of human beings, I love this quote from one of Eckhart Tolle’s recent retreat talks: “There are many humans, but only one Being.”
