In 2021 I suffered a lot of losses. In September, a friend that I was helping out and doing energywork on died of breast cancer. She was just a couple years older than me. My partner and I were the ones who went and collected her things from the hospice and saw her formerly beautiful yoga instructor body, lifeless and horrifically deformed by the disease. Then, just a few weeks later, our beloved vibrant kitty took ill and died within 9 days. We believe it was a brain tumor. Two months after that, in December 2021, someone very close to me suddenly cut off communications with me. I had just climbed out of the hole left by my kitty’s passing and this was enough to sink me back into some deep emotional suffering.  

I started journaling to ease the pain. Mainly I was journaling about my ego and the role it played in this last situation. As a result, I began closely studying my ego. I had already named her Little Bitch, after a Byron Katie turnaround*, a couple years prior. And now Little Bitch was in full force—angry, self pitying, obsessing, sad, lonely, and more! My mind just kept looping back on itself with its stories. I was trapped in the labyrinth of ego. That’s when I realized I needed to check myself into Ego Rehab! 😵‍💫

The journaling turned into the beginnings of a book, which I’m still working on. It was originally tilted Little Bitch and Me: A Story of Good and Ego 😆, but now it’s titled the same as this site, Ego Rehab. The main purpose of the book is to keep me out of my ego, by helping me recognize it when it appears in all its myriad of disguises. That’s also the purpose of this site: to disempower the ego through awareness.

After the Eckhart Tolle retreat in November 2022, I realized I needed to rewrite the whole thing! I also realized I needed to study my pain-body (the emotional aspect of ego). That’s what really got activated by the losses of 2021. Rather than wallow in it, I’ve been actively trying to release it. Feeling emotions fully, as Kim Eng explained in the retreat, and dropping the labels. I also do energywork on myself, and have done Adyashanti’s releasing generational pain exercise, among other things. Basically, I’ve been collecting different pain-body releasing exercises. I’ll eventually share them here.

But the main thing that’s shifted in this journey of studying my ego and pain-body, is now I witness them real-time. I practice Ego and Pain-Body Awareness Meditation whenever I remember. Instead of getting frustrated or mad at them when they show up, I accept them and send them unconditional love (or Presence Power, as Eckhart Tolle would say!) They’re part of the grand scheme of things, after all, part of the divine whole. The state of egoic consciousness exists within the “higher” Divine Consciousness, just like the dream and the dream state exist within the dreamer. 

When I told a friend of mine I was studying and watching my ego, he said, “That’s just psychology.” After reading and listening to Adyashanti, I think I understand the fundamental difference between psychology and spirituality now. Psychology studies the egoic state of consciousness, as my friend pointed out. Spirituality also looks at the egoic state, but in order to transcend it. Psychology, on the other hand, is trying to heal the egoic state. I’m oversimplifying, but that’s my basic understanding. I’m not trying to heal my ego/personality structure. I’m just aware that it’s operating when it’s operating; I’m accepting it, as in that’s the level of consciousness I’ve been in; and I’m sending it unconditional love/pure presence power. Thus, I don’t allow it to take control of my mind.
I have some ego awareness strategies I’ll share with you later.

Oh, I forgot to mention I recently named my pain-body as well! Her name is Old SUE—Old Stuck Unworthy Energy. 😅 I’ve got some great ego and pain-body naming strategies I’ll share later! 🤓

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*In Byron Katie’s Work, when you write a derogatory statement about someone, you have to meditate on it, ask the four questions (Is it true? Can you absolutely know it’s true? How do you react when you believe that thought? And, who would you be without the thought?), and then turn the statement around. The turnaround part is so amazing! You see firsthand how you’ve been projecting all your issues onto others. 

In my case, I was writing a Worksheet about a troublesome young tenant of mine. My statement read something like “K is a vindictive, entitled, bratty little bitch.” When I wrote the turnaround, “I am a vindictive, entitled, bratty little bitch,” it didn’t quite feel right. So then I replaced “I” with “my ego.” “My ego is a vindictive, entitled, bratty little bitch.” Yep! Bingo!!!! 🎯

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