(This is an excerpt from my book manuscript, also titled Ego Rehab.)

In studying my ego, I’ve found that she—“Little Bitch”—has a lot of disguises according to the situation at hand. Eckhart Tolle calls them different subpersonalities—as in, the judging part of you, the victim part, the vain part, etc. I’m trying to simplify my lingo and keep it all under the ego umbrella. But you can call them subpersonalities, if you want. Little Bitch definitely has multiple personalities and she’s more than a tad schizophrenic! 

I have to remember what my ego looks like if I want to stay rooted in Being/Presence/Awareness/Love and prevent her from taking me over again (and again and again). I now call this practice Ego Awareness Meditation. Here are some of the telltale ego disguises I watch out for as part of my “meditation,” which I practice throughout the day. It’s actually just a background awareness. I’ve listed the disguises in family groups, though they’re actually all related:

Complaining, Criticizing, Judging, Comparing, Superiority 🧐🙄🤨

I spent the first 30 years of my life believing that criticizing and putting people down was not only acceptable, but necessary. It’s a subtle way of making yourself superior to others. Feeling superior or special is always ego! One of the most obvious signs you’re in your judging ego disguise is invoking “shoulds” and/or putdowns: “He shouldn’t have done that—he’s an asshole!” “What a callous old hag!”

Self criticism, which I also suffered from in my youth, is the opposite: seeing yourself as inferior to others. To balance out my self criticism, I had to skewer others—whether just in my mind or badmouthing them to others—to make myself feel better. It was a vicious circle: I was beating everybody up, including myself! “I shouldn’t have done that—I’m a loser! He shouldn’t have done that—he’s an asshole!”

Low self esteem is ego, too, by the way, in its fearful disguise. Little Bitch is a scared little brat at heart, but one who plans to one day rule the world—my world, at least!

Arrogant Entitlement/Indignation, Victimhood, Blaming, Self Pity 😤😫

Whenever I have the thought, “How dare they?!”  I know whose voice that is. Arrogant entitlement was the gateway for Little Bitch to take control at some key turning points in my life. How dare he or they do that to me! (See chapters 3&5) 

Anytime you feel offended, your ego is in play, you can be sure. I know people who are in a constant state of indignation. “How dare they!” is their everyday mantra! That’s Little Bitch’s favorite mantra, too. I’ve learned to transmute it, however. When I hear a “How dare they!” echo through my head, I shift it to “What would love do in this situation?” (I learned that from Adyashanti.) And I send unconditional love, aka Presence Power, to the “offending” person. I send love to “me”, as well, specifically to the part of my ego that feels threatened or offended by other people’s behavior.

Closely related to indignation, is the ego motivator of victimhood. How dare they victimize me! It’s not my fault! Thereby we deflect taking responsibility for our own issues. I love the Work of Byron Katie because it really forces you to take the projection off the wall and look inside the projector—that’s you! Her “turnarounds” can be epic and life-shifting, and they come from within you—from your own process of unfolding, not from some external source.

Needing to Prove Something, Needing to Win, Attention Seeking, Knowing It All ☝️😌🥇

All of these are forms of ego validation. If I try to prove something or try to get attention just for the sake of it, I know that’s my little friend Little Bitch. I can just ask myself, what am I trying to prove, who am I trying to impress? That will stop my ego in her tracks! 

And when you find yourself comparing yourself to others, remember, life is not a competition, it’s a collaboration. We’re all on the same ship headed to the same place! In fact, even deeper than that, we actually all are the same ship, the same consciousness!

I’ve come to witness that my motivations sometimes spring from anger and needing to prove that I can do something that other people don’t believe I can do. Or that I think they believe I can’t do.

Similarly, when I’ve had an argument with my partner, sometimes I’ve felt motivated to go do something to prove to him wrong. But when my motivation for action is anger and a need to prove something (ego), the results can never be truly fulfilling. Conscious action doesn’t stem from anger or needing to prove something. You must first transmute the anger into pure presence inside of you. This can be achieved by feeling the anger inside of you, in your physical and emotional body, and dropping the label “anger.” More on this and other presence-procuring methods later.

Underneath it all, when I’m trying to prove anything, what I’m actually trying to prove (to other people and my ego) is that I’m worthy and lovable, and therefore “I” exist!

Expectations are a (Little) Bitch! 🤔🤞🏿

Similar to trying to prove something is trying to live up to someone’s expectations. For most of us, it’s our parents’ expectations, but later they’re replaced by our partners’ and our children’s. And then there’s always society in the background. Who can live up to a whole society’s expectations?! Talk about a never-ending quest!

I battled with this in the recent past (which of course made my unworthy ego stronger—what you fight you strengthen!) Even though I work (in property management), I don’t work full time or have a traditional office job or title. For more than a decade I’ve felt like I don’t fit in with the “rat race.” And this is true! I don’t fit in. But why do I have to? Who am I trying to impress?!

How about freeing yourself from the burden of others’ expectations and letting your only expectation of yourself be to rest in awareness! And if you fall out of awareness and back into egoic consciousness, just notice this and send your ego unconditional love and go back to resting in awareness. “I am loving awareness,” was Ram Dass’ mantra later in life. So, let’s all be here now in loving awareness!

Anger, Resentment, Defensiveness, Vindictiveness, Violence 😡👊🏼

Anger. Where does anger come from? Who is it that’s feeling angry? These are things to meditate on next time it comes up for you. Even just  minor irritability. Notice it. Be aware. Don’t let repressed negative emotions—aka the pain-body—take you over! This is the key, which starts with awareness and acknowledgment. “I’m feeling anger right now.” But not “I’m angry” because that implies that you and the emotion are fused. Just acknowledge it, accept that it’s there, feel it fully in your body, drop the label, and let it pass. Sometimes the passing may take a while, unfortunately! Later we’ll talk about strategies to move it along faster.

A favorite pastime of Little Bitch and her pain-body consort, Old SUE (Stuck Unworthy Energy) has been to plan getting even with people for supposed wrongs they did to “me.” The Work of Byron Katie really helped me in these situations in the past. When I questioned my stressful thoughts and did the turnarounds, I usually could see very clearly what part I played in the situation. And if I was really clear, honest, and authentic, I could admit that it was actually 100% me.

Getting defensive is another of Little Bitch’s manipulative tricks. She tries to take control of my being by telling me I should be upset and perhaps should get even with someone who supposedly did me wrong. “Don’t let them get away with that!” she screams in my ear. “Tell them they’re wrong and you’re right and then storm out in a huff!” I spent years in this unconscious state of mind. And it sometimes still crops up! (See Chapters 3, 5, and 6!)

A Course in Miracles offers this morsel of wisdom about defensiveness: “When you feel the need arise to be defensive about anything, you have identified yourself with an illusion.” Byron Katie says, “Defense is the first act of war.” So, what they did to me, whether real or imagined, isn’t the problem. The problem is what I believe about it and how I react—in other words, my state of consciousness in that moment. And any time my behavior reaches the level of uncontrolled obsession, violence or vindictiveness, my pain-body has taken over. This is really dangerous. Strong awareness is necessary to come out of it!

Other ego disguises to watch out for include:

  • Pride 😎
  • Lying/Deception 🤥
  • Embarrassment 🫣
  • Mistrust 🫤
  • Stuck in Past or Future 🕰️
  • Escapism 💭
  • Addiction 💉
  • Isolating 😶‍🌫️
  • Withdrawal 🫥
  • Fear 😱
  • Stress 🥵
  • Manipulation 🤫
  • Control 🕹️
  • Resistance 👎🏽
  • Drama 😈
  • Struggle 😖
  • Conflict 🤬
  • Insatiable Need for More, Bigger, and Better 🤌🤑

The Best List – Your Own

Later you’ll see Little Bitch show up in these various costumes in my life. She’s quite a tricky chameleon, that one! A simple and complicated character at the same time. And she has more wardrobe changes than Lady Gaga!

Speaking of which, I have a more complete list of ego disguises in chapter 6. After writing this section, I kept finding more to add. My friend Ginger mentioned how she’s a people pleaser, that’s how her ego shows up, and I realized I hadn’t included that disguise. Then my friend Lakshmi told me about her friend who was so stubborn and desperate to save his stuff that he didn’t want to leave his house recently during a big wildfire in Colorado and ended up perishing—bless his soul! How could I forget stubbornness?! And later that night I opened A New Earth and the ego disguises just came tumbling out! 

That’s when I realized pretty much any trait that separates you from the deep peace of God/Consciousness, the still aliveness of presence, is an ego disguise. So, the list is as long as the dictionary! The point is, everybody should make their own list, which is why I’ve included that as the first ego awareness exercise in chapter 10. (And I’m currently working on a Know Thy Ego worksheet, of which I’ll include the draft in my next post. 🤓)

Image by Freepik